Assuming Positive Intent

My wife and I had our driveway replaced about a month ago. As the driveway was dug out and framed, our next door neighbor randomly approached my father-in-law on a Saturday morning about the driveway not being six inches off the property line. He comes in and says "What a bitch!" and my wife agreed as well.

On Monday, she leaves a note on our doorstep asking us to call her about it. Now my wife is really pissed, and I kind of agree with her at this point. Resorting to passive-aggressive behavior? Not communicating directly to our faces? She makes me call the neighbor. I do, and it's fine, but both of us are still quite irritated. My wife says that she won't talk to her.

On Thursday, a couple of days after the pour was completed, I ran into her outside. She told me how beautiful our driveway looked, and that she asked them for a quote to do her parents' driveway. She did seem genuinely concerned about us, and she said she had left the note because she was leaving for an early flight and didn't think we were awake. Apparently, she thought she was doing us a favor, and, right or wrong, believing that might have lessened a lot of unnecessary stress and anxiety.

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A seminar I attended that same week brought this idea to front of my mind, since it involved several instances of using a "Critical Friends" structure. Many of the Critical Friends structures have an agreement or norm of "Assume positive intent" in place. By nature, Critical Friends is designed for feedback, and sometimes criticism can be taken the wrong way. But, we have to assume positive intent in order to make sure a respectful environment is preserved. (Plus, it's natural to get defensive when we receive criticism.)

How often in school do we fail to assume positive intent? Every attempt to shoot down an educational reform seems to stem from a negative statement about students.

Reform: Accepting late work
Rebuttal: If we accept late work, students won't have any reason to turn it in on time.

Reform: Not counting homework, attendance, behavior, etc. in their grade.
Rebuttal: If we don't grade it, then they won't ever do it (especially homework.)

Reform: Allowing students to re-submit assessments
Rebuttal: Students won't study the first time.

Reform: No grades
Rebuttal: Students won't have to do anything, so they won't.

Reform: Technology
Rebuttal: Students will just play games and Snapchat people all the time.

Reform: Inquiry learning
Rebuttal: The students can't handle it, or they'll complain that I'm not teaching them.

Reform: Giving students more autonomy, freedom, etc.
Rebuttal: Students will abuse it and run all over us

Reform: Doing a certain lesson
Rebuttal: My students can't do that.

Reform: Students should be able to learn whatever they want.
Rebuttal: Students will just play video games or do nothing all day.

Is it any surprise, then, when our lack of positive intent rubs off on the students and they don't trust us?

Yes, a lot of the rebuttals above are legitimate concerns, not beneficial to student learning, and actually have happened in my experience. But, when you look at the benefits of the more progressive ideas, they really seem like they would be worth it and would help students develop into competent and successful adults. The students just need some support from us.

I think we need to re-frame our thinking (kind of like this thing I saw about re-framing of problems). Instead of "students won't ____________ (negative statement)," I think a better thing is to ask "how can we support students in _______________ (progressive idea.)" For example, instead of "Students can't handle more freedom," let's ask, "How can we support students in making responsible choices?" If we dare to call ourselves teachers, maybe we should try teaching them these things. Denying them opportunities to do things won't make them better at those things.

I wonder if my classroom (and maybe even my life in general) could be a happier place if I could establish a culture of assuming positive intent. Assuming positive intent could also help us to work with each other instead of against each other.